Magazine topic: 
Life around the world

Losing a loved one

by : 
EmilyM

It is sad to know that each year thousands of teenagers experience the death of someone they love; a parent, sibling, friend or other relative. Statistics show that around one in ten 11-18-year olds experience the loss of a loved one. This is likely to have an impact on the rest of their life. Although bereavement is a difficult and sensitive topic, I’m going to talk about some of the things that personally helped me to cope better after I lost my Dad in 2012.

The most important thing is not to ‘bottle things up’. I did this to start with. I didn’t tell anyone how I really felt when I should have spoken about it. No one should be ashamed to feel upset after losing someone they love, as it is a traumatic time. It is important to talk about how you feel to people you trust so they can support you. I ‘opened up’ to very few people, but it was nice to know that I had people there who I could turn to if I was having a bad day, or feeling sad. I spoke to my friends and some of my teachers and they were very supportive.

Another thing that I found to be helpful after losing my Dad was to make a memory box. This is a box where I put stuff in that reminded me of my Dad, and the memories I shared with him. I put in photographs from holidays and stuff that he’d bought me over the years. I also wrote poems and put them in as well. I still have the box now, and it makes me smile. I also buy a birthday card, a father’s day card and a Christmas card for him every year. I find it comforting. I keep the memory box private.

Finally, it is important to take time to grieve properly. I found it easier to take things one day at a time, and to try not to worry about the future. I decided to focus on my studies and the things I enjoyed doing. I get upset from time to time but I’ve learnt that it’s okay to cry.

Everyone will have their own ways of coping after losing someone close to them. This outlines what I personally found helpful. Everyone should remember that they are not alone. 

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Discussion

Who do you talk to when you are upset or sad about something? 

Comments

Elsa007's picture
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Elsa007 3 January, 2016 - 08:43

"Yes, I've changed.
Pains does that to people…."

Emily says 'the most important thing is not to bottle things up’ but I wonder... how can we be talkative with such an empty space we have had...?
I agree with "The only cure for grief is to grieve".

Alternatively,…..
"Friendship is……true support in time of grief".
There's a saying: All things grow with time ---except grief.☆

What do you think, Emily??

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June's picture
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June 14 September, 2014 - 10:07

I do "bottle things up", all the time. That's because I've been alive for 16 years but I always find myself at a loss to find a congenial friend in whom I can put my trust. When I confide something private to a relative, he/she will go tell everyone how pity I am and end up claiming that I'm so mushy. I really don't want the story to go that way. Besides, personal intrinsic feelings are definitely not my friends' favourite topic. They can post sad status about their idols' pain all day, but losing grandmother/grandfather... can never touch them so deeply, let alone other people's sorrow.
Now I choose to sit alone, cry alone, and let music remind me of a loved one who has gone forever alone.

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ngochoai's picture
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ngochoai 13 September, 2014 - 17:23

when I'm upset , I eat a lot, eat anything i like and before facing my friends, parents I usually smile, try to show everything's all right. In this year, in new year day everybody was happy , gave together best wishes but I lost my close uncle ,by a long distance so I can't join his funeral. really sad. And it's very strange that i didn't cry. so sad that can't shed tears, I only hurt in my heart, sharp pain.
I want people know that I'm very tired, but i'm afraid. When I'm 14, i'm very enthusiastic ,has lots of friend but i was betrayed by my reliable friends, since that time, i dare not belive anyone, become a person of few word, quite. I often retain all unhappiness in my heart. Now, i feel better because shared this thing in here, with many friend from different countries, whom i don't know

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JoEditor's picture
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JoEditor 13 September, 2014 - 19:57

Hi ngochoai,
Thanks for writing a comment. I'm glad that you feel better for having shared your  thoughts here. I was really sorry to read that you recently lost your uncle. Please try and talk to someone about how you feel. It always helps to share your worries and problems. Do you have a member of your family, a friend or a teacher you could talk to?  
I wish you all the very best. Remember the saying in English, 'a problem shared is a problem halved.' Your English is very good so I'm sure you understand it. 
With very best wishes, Jo (LearnEnglish Teens Team) 

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dancelover's picture
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dancelover 28 October, 2013 - 19:43

Yes, that's true. All of us have lost a person who love. But, this is the ''type'' of our life.. Born, live , die ...
It's good to express your feelings! Share what you feel with a friend who can help you and make you forget.

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Negar1995's picture
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Negar1995 30 October, 2013 - 12:11

i really love ur comment dance lover. its nice...!! but i cant understand why should we born to die??!!

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Elsa007's picture
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Elsa007 3 January, 2016 - 08:12

Hi Negar, I think dancelover just wanted to 'list' the ''type'' of our life…..
Yes, you're right, Negar, we are not born to die but to share what we feel with a friend who can help us!! ☆

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Natalija's picture
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Natalija 16 October, 2013 - 15:58

When I'm sad or upset about something, I prefer staying alone and I don't talk anything. I don't like sharing my fears and sadness with others, it's maybe bad, but I'm that kind of person and you can never hear me complaining about something or asking for advice. I like to solve anything by myself because I think none can understand me as much as I can. We're all our best psychologists and if we can overcome something, none can help us.
I lost my grandfather when I was 10 years old. I wasn't very close to him, but I was very sad. In addition, he died on my birthday, and that's something I'll never forget. We were all celebrating my birthday, we were laughing and had a good time, and suddenly, he had a heart attack. He went to hospital, but doctors could do nothing, and it was the worst birthday ever.

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justcricketforme's picture
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justcricketforme 20 October, 2013 - 12:50

So sad, Natalija and on your birthday too! I lost my granddad two years ago. It is awful to lose someone you really love!

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Lavender's picture
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Lavender 17 October, 2013 - 07:47

Hi my friend Natalijia. I'm sorry to hear your story. I even couldn't meet my grandparents when they died. I just visited their graves for many years after that.

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justcricketforme's picture
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justcricketforme 17 September, 2013 - 14:13

My BFF. Sorry to know about your father! My granddad passed away two years ago! I konw it feels very bad after losing some one who really love!

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Lavender's picture
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Lavender 10 September, 2013 - 15:58

Emily I'm sorry to know your Dad passed away. My Uncle was a soldier and he was dead in the war. I didn't know him because I wasn't born at that time but I could feel how sad my father was. My grandfather was extremely depressed and she was sick for months. Now my father gets old, everything is fine and peaceful. Every year we make a special meal on the day he was dead to remind of him. This is a traditional.
When I'm upset I find some one I can trust to tell them, normally is my close friend. I feel better when there was a person understanding me and listening to me. i appreciate that. But I don't show my sadness to people even my friends. I don't write my feeling of depression on any social sites. I don't want they think that I'm a feeble and fragile one. Besides there are sorrows I fell ashamed to share. I kept it as my own secret. Because it is not easy to describe the feeling. And I don't know where to start the story.

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saba's picture
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saba 9 September, 2013 - 09:39

i say every thing to my bff negar she is the most important person in my life and she really cheers me up when i'm upset i love her

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Negar1995's picture
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Negar1995 7 September, 2013 - 09:10

i talk to my friend just my friend . i talk to saba when im sad and she makes me calm. i think its the best way to talk to ur friend. especially ur honest friend!!!

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